Hello Ireland

First topic message reminder :

Trying again. My first post went spinning off the tracks like a runaway train. Bad Karma? hope not, but maybe two first posts will show up.

I'm John from Ontario. I am going to try a daily greeting thread with this board and see how it goes. Very low key, but sincere, no groundbreaking PD news, just heartfelt encouragement.

My Wife and I drove to Ottawa on the weekend. (250 kms there) Strange city, driving, and restaraunts bring out tremors. We had a great time: visited, had dinners, walked, did museums with my son and wife who live there. Saturday nite we went to an "Irish Pub" and I had a yummy shepherds pie and a bottle of Killkenny. Your beer makes our beer taste like soda pop.

I hope everybody has a good and safe day. Be strong, John

It was a beautiful Morning in Valencia. It was an old city first lived in by Moors, chased out by the Crusaders and now it catered to an Invasion of cruise ships. It was the biggest port in the Western Mediteranian. Home to famous Valencian oranges and lots of shopping. I was not letting my wife off of the ship. Yea, right! Like telling the sun not to rise.

I had had a rough morning what with sunburnt face and diving board eye. I hope everyone enjoyed the misery of me and poor Lucy.


I was busy washing windows for my wife, cause I wanted to, not because she was making me do them, when I spied something:

Oh I love the gym I am a glutton for punishment. Remember folks if at first you dont succeed try and try again and keep trying until you get fed up and then give up. This time next week I shall be as fit as a fiddle if i'm not dead before it. SO WATCH THIS SPACE.

Brilliant Guys..still laughing..looks like fun at the gym and the pool..lol

JB must get back to the forum, story going amok, actually jb has just pissed his pants laughing. Keep up the good work! LOL

I got out of bed, I was feeling ill, my head was aching, I thought OMG what was I drinking last night, and where is everybody, I knocked on Ems door she was awake, not feeling very well either.
We decided we would pass on breakfast, instead we went up on deck to get some fresh air and laze in our deckchairs in the sun.
Up bounces Jb, Mrs Jb, Lucy and kids saying what a lovely breakfast we had missed.
Jb said he was going for a swim in the pool,



Lucy said she was going to the gym,



Ems and I just enjoyed the sun, as we would soon be heading for Palma in Majorca.

I awoke to the smell of breakfast comimg from the kitchen. I had read the menu last night and this was just too good to miss. I woke up the kids and we all dressed and headed for the dining room. Now go quietly I told the kids as they passed the cabins of ems and patsy we dont want to wake them they will be tired and will want to have a lay in. You're the kindest mummy we know said the kids thinking of ems and patsy like that. We will have our breakfast first I told them. I put my ear to MR and MRS JBs cabin door but not a sound could I hear. Horror of horrors I thought to myself I hope he did'nt get to the dining room before me, but sure enough there he was laying on the deck fast asleep, his face was turning a nice shade of red as the sun beamed down.

Breakfast was served on the open deck. Too bad so many sleepy heads were late for it. Not me though, steaming platters of bacon and scrambled egg, fried onions and potatoes, toasted Bagels, jams and honey, pancakes, belgian waffles and strawberries in syrup with so much scenery in the harbour that my missus couldn't watch me apply the whipped cream onto the waffles. Fresh hot black coffee, and sweet mint chocolates, my breakfast was great. I patted my tummy and found a deck chair for a little nap while waiting for the sleepy heads to rouse. I read the see and do list for Valencia and wondered about fishing from the boat as I turned my face to the rising sun....

Well actually it is sorta like this Mr Bono. Some of us had to stretch the truth a bit to get here. I for one was to be building a garage for a mate back home but I let on that because of my Parkinsons I was bedridden and couldn't do it. Some of these guys are a little under the radar if you know what I mean. So no names. The party continued into the night as the rock of Gibraltar was washed by the Cinderellas wake. The moonlite twinkled on calm waters as we pulled up at the port of Valencia, Spain.

Right Ladies/Gents..We need know who's interested in travelling with our cruise 'Cinderella' names please as then Bono can introduce us..


Honestly Jb i don't know how you do it..cheers

Its name was Cinderella and was the pride of a shipping company that was based in Canada, Actually, this was its only cruise ship, a whimsical interest of the owner. The main shipping business carried wheat and steel from Canada to Europe returning with French bread and Porshes. The owner was actually sailing on this trip unknown to the crew and even the captain. (Actually I was the only one to know that cause Im doing the writing. You write some and you can make up what you want to!) If it had humble beginnings as a ship, it was shining now. The passengers were lodged on decks 4 to 8 fed on 9 and 10, entertained on 11 and 12, state rooms took up most of 14 and 15 and it was suntan city on top. That is where Mrs JB was putting sun tan oil on me dressed in my skimpy Speedo, yikes delete that. That was from a story 30 years ago. Today I was dressed in cutoff denims, crocs, a green T shirt that declared me Irish, dark glasses, and a baseball style cap that said Arizona. Yep, when you write the story, you can go from one holiday to the next. Captain Black, looking a lot like Johnny Depp, yes he was even dressed like the character from the Carribean movies, had just completed the "Holy Crap the Ship is sinking drill", and the fifty of us with cute little drinks in hand had reacted to the instructins with no reverence. Patsy asked Captain Black if there would be a barkeeper on the lifeboat and Lucy enquired if the ship did go down would she still get to shop in Italy. About that time, as Captain Black rolled his eyeballs backwards, and we recharged our Rum drinks, he finished up the drill, and the ship took a quick turn starboard and the whistle blew. Oh oh! said Lucy to Em, I think I told Lil Popeye and OliveOil they could play in the steering bridge.

Later that night U2 were playing the main stage. 50 seats were reserved at the front right for us, our table was wet, do you know how many drinks a tablefull of drinking Irish and 2 Canadians can spill while under the influence of either PD or Guiness? At one point in the show Bono said John my old friend, get the grup up here and we'll introduce them. So we did get up and I said this is Em, Lucy and her Wee Ones, Patsy, Katie and I ground to a halt. I didn't know who all was sailing with us.

I think that Lucy needs a holiday Emma. She needs some pampering, chocolates, entertainment, siteseeing, shopping, warm sun, no cooking, good meals, her kids looked after and that may be all. This should be easy you think?

Listen up as I will only say this once lol. All hands are on the cruise ship and there is no one getting off until I GET MY HOLIDAY.

Hmm Jb..not quiet sure only thing i know is that you and Mrs Jb are on your way to..Elphin, Lucy's Swanky hotel and Woodstock Arms.. Take care folks..

Hey Lucy Em Patsy, I know that the cruise ship is entering the Mediteranean Sea but does anyone have any idea where this story is going? Everybody is welcome to jump in with a chapter.

As little Popeye and Olive Oil ran around the deck, Mrs JB got to work and had the crew pull out and clean behind all the refrigerators. I sat in the corner rewriting the menu. I like to eat meals that I can pronounce. We were starting with Pancakes, sausage, bacon, fried poatoes, with srup, strawberries and Emma's scones and coffee. Beans on toast as a side dish..

The waves slipped by as we rounded the Rock and entered the Mediteranean Sea.

Everyone was so excited about this cruise. My children have changed their names to popeye and olive oil and go around singing oh life on the ocean waves. They insist on eating spinach for breakfast dinner and supper well it makes a change from beans. It was only when my eldest started to smoke a pipe that I had to put my foot down. Well I mean the price of tobacco today lol.

Captain Black had the Cruise ship in full revs reversing back to The Swank Hotel. Grinding to a halt, he hailed us with a megaphone. Get on board, bring those passes and maple Syrup. Happy to oblige, Patsy and I climbed onboard and course was set for the Fench Riviera. We quickly found the Irish contingent and settled in to our respective berths.

Time out: where are my smelling salts. I gots to clear my head.

Thanks to Lucy for the recap.

Thanks to Patsy for relenting (finally, it took forever)and letting me go on holiday. I'll make up an extra week upon my return.

Thanks to the Captain for coming back to get us.

Thanks to everyone that got out of Patsy's path during the driving escapade

Ready to roll now.....

OMG, I am losing it. Ever since Patsy drove me at such a speed across the pastures, laneways highways to the Swanky Hotel I have had trouble processing information in my head. In fact, this morning I thought I wrote a messaage in reply but it isn't there. I blame that on my Parkinsons, I blame Patsy for missing the ship, my wife is likely upset with worry, Did Patsy drive fast?, well I got jet lag. See, my thoughts aren't coherent at all. I'm blaming you Patsy for my brain drain. Well crap, I just noticed that this in in the wrong spot. This is Dear Diary. I'm blaming that on you too Patsy. Where did you learn to drive. I hope that I can cut and paste it ok. If I can't that will be Patsy's fault too, Okay Patsy.? Okay, lets get this show on the road

REALIZING IT WAS THE CRUISE SHIP RETURNING >>>>>>>>>

Jb said "It isn't often I get a second chance" so raising his hands up high he said "whatever happens about that job at the windmill, or what Patsy thinks or says" I am OFF on this cruise and nothing is going to stop me now >>>>>>>>>>>>> (to be CONTINUED)---------------

THE STORY SO FAR

JB and Mrs JB had decided to come to our fair island on holiday. They were travelling all the way from Canada on a luxery liner. JB had in his possession 2 bags of mapel syrup which he had made with his own fair hands to give to Lucy. However the captain of the ship got wind of this and demanded the mapel syrup. HAND IT OVER OR GO OVERBOARD HE TOLD JB. But JB was not going to be bullied. He struck a deal with the captain he would give the syrup in exchange for free passes for all his friends for a cruise on the luxery liner. Patsy was there waiting for the arrival of JB. A month earlier he had promised her he would take the job of tour guide in Elphin,but surley she would rather go on a cruise. But Patsy was not for backing down he told her he would take the job and the job he was going to take. His friends did not want to go without him but they couldnt dissapoint the children. JBwas bitterly dissapointed as he watched the ship sail out of sight without him. The captain came around to collect the passes. SHOCK HORROR JB still had the passes in his pocket.Reverse this boat at once the captain roared. JB looked up AM I SEEING THINGS HE SAID.

jb49 wrote:Okay Patsy, you win the trip is off.....

The raked funnels were clear on the horizon as the Party Ship steamed on to the harbour. Tears ran down the faces`of kids who were excited moments ago by the thought of a holiday on the luxury liner. Lucy turned back to the drudgery of her kitchen planning to cook more beans on toast and ceiling and maybe clean behind the fridge. Messages sent to the ship informed the Captain that Patsy was holding me to my job as summer guide showing the windmill. Okay, okay, I'm ready and from the ship I could see the red car. Oh dear, the inhumanity of free holiday for everyone in a floating palace cancelled cause I couldn't go. A strong voice cried out: just because he's got guiding to do, doesn't mean we can't go without him. It isn't like he drives the boat or knows where to go or anything of much importance. lets go to the French Riviera on our free tickets and enjoy ourselves, he isn't required for me to have some Umbrella drinks on the beach now is he? I placed the voice , it was my wife.

Tears ran down the face`of Jb who was excited moments ago by the thought of a holiday on the luxury liner. And taking all his Irish friends with him. It was Elphin for him, but one last shot: Patsy he said, I'll find my way to the windmill, you go to the ship with the rest and enjoy the holiday I arranged for you. And then he delivered the deal breaker. I was going to arrange with the captain that you get the best suite of rooms for yourself, complete with computers, printers, software for clip art, with kittens and puppies available either real or pictured, letting that sink in I sighed my best pouty sigh, my wife knows it's sound, and said, but I guess that won't happen now if I am stuck in Elphin as the rest of you cruise away, I tweaked a nose hair and a tear ran down my cheek. Patsy slammed the brakes on and said..............

he picked up his bag and said " I am going to be late" Ems and Lucy went 1 hr ago, I said "Hop In" to my car I will take you there,
I sped off at 60 miles an hr, then 70, 80, when I reached 120 mph I looked over at Jb and there he was with Rosary beads in hand "muttering" what have I done to deserve this. We are not going to make it, with that I put my foot down {130mph} and just as we reached our destination I peeked at Jb and he had fainted, A large crowd gathered and tried to resuscitate him, by the time they had succeeded the Luxury liner was on its way and out of sight. Jb opened one eye and said >>>>
I sure am NOT travelling with you again.

"I would love some beans on toast" >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Oh Dear..where is jb when we need him..it's ok lucy no more beans on toast..jb we're still waiting on our menu no worries we're not looking for caviar (or are we ladies?)..we need to liven up this a little guys..

Weep Weep Sniff Sniff Oh the boredom of it there must be more to life than making beans on toast sniff, I was so looking forward to this holiday but I guess we will have to forget sniff about it now weep.
Lucy four beans on toast for table two the waitress called. Ok sniff coming right up. Lu Lu Lucy table two says their toast is burnt and their beans are cold. Tell table two to go and take a running jump and waitress get me a direct line to JB on that cruise ship, I will be going on that holiday by hook or by crook

Patsy, for the love of God, this is where you say "Oh John, come on the trip, you can make up the 2 weeks later in the summer at Elphin showing the town"